Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
