I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
