You work out of a Hotel?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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