sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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