He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
