Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
