I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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