whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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