You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
