there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
