if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
