I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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