went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
