Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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