I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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