i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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