I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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