I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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