i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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