No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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