it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
