You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
