She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
