Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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