Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Less talking, more tequila
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
