Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
