Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
