After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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