it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
