Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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