Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
