And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
