My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
