Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
