Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
