You just made me feel so damn special
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
