I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
