I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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