There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
