Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
