i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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