she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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