Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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