sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
