I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
