he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
