captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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