I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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