i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
