how hairy? two words: wookie tits
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
