he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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