The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
