I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
