Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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